Mansi

Being married has also been about being 'aware', 'concerned' and always on the scent of what our maids do. It's quite natural, given the domain of housekeeping (incd the kitchen) is often a KRA (key responsibility area) of the wife or the combined wives in the house.
Often, at my in-laws place, I feel compelled to inquire about their ( or lack of) maid. It's easy banter with even the most formidable of women. Funny stories are exchanged about changing times, changing maids.
There are some married couples that I look up to. The wife in one such example was teaching her maid to read and write in hindi. At first, I felt that I would want to sit in on the lessons, my recollection of the hindi script (something I did take exams for) is pretty pathetic especially the numbers. Then again, Hindi is not my mother tongue and thus the compulsion is pure interest. After that meeting, I realized, yes, I want to teach my maid how to read and write too.
A year passed by and I got to appreciate and be grateful for the learning opportunities I received at my work place. As I received, I passed on to my maid. Since I can work from home, I began to give her the option to decide when she wants to come in to work at my place (flexible hours). At some point I hope to get my Bengali friend to chart out a list of chores and have her determine which ones she wants to do on a given day. Holidays and vacations are encouraged. As I receive, I let her have her days off. I have found that she no longer dreads telling me that she's like to take a day off. She understands that I won't begrudge her day off. The other day her daughter was ill and she missed two days at work. The kitchen was a chaotic mess, more a reflection of my battle with the bulge than her absense. She came in at 5pm that day to a clean kitchen and her employer in rolled up trousers, squatting and doing the dishes. We spent the next half hour together washing dishes, discussing her child's health (with me trying to convey the word homeopathy in Hindi!!!). She was quick to lead with the washing. She instructed me on which dishes I can do and which she would do. Sometimes I find her leading irritating especially when she's convinced that her way is the right way. When my Hindi improves, I hope to share my thoughts on the rainbow of value with her - Nothing is good or bad, good or great (no, good is NOT the enemy of great). Criticism, if and only constructive need not be at the cost of one's self esteem. Then again, she is the boss sometimes and I do hope I don't undermine that with my lazy short cuts with our nutrition and hygiene.
My maid is eager to learn. We're going to start with numbers first. I have no clue on how I am going to teach her, having no experience with teaching (tuitions apart) myself. I hope to imitate my Mom who was an exceptional teacher. Yet, given mutual eagerness, we haven't yet found the time to start our lessons. I keep waiting for an auspicious Friday or Thursday (the Hindu me of course!) and yet, I know I don't want to impose the same on her, she is after all not a Hindu but a Muslim. I wonder how we can get going without a 'Om Ganeshaya Namah', something I still write into all my notebooks this twenty ninth year of my life. I feel that I should have her start her journey to literacy in the name of Allah without insulting the practices of Islam - which albeit is tricky. Most probably when we do start, it will be without these religious frills (unlike the Christian convents) and just with the more real challenges, that of language and sustenance. I understand that I will need to include literacy as a component of her yearly bonus - a component that will encourage her to go beyond being eager and naturally intelligent to hard working and committed.
This weekend, I read an article about Sri Lanka being the 'country of maids' to the Saudis. That article shook me up. Some Sri Lankan institutions, it says, is marketing the women in their country as potential maid material in Saudi Arabia. Schools, Training institutes, Grooming institutes (call it what you want) have been running to ensure that this 'second' generation of maids will be successful in meeting with 'Mama's' (a Saudi wife) requirements. A key part of the training is in identifing what can cause a 'Mama' to abuse you or even beat the very life out of you. Rape is possible and sometimes certain. Some institutes ensure that they take care of rape victims, all in private of course. Run-aways however aren't acceptable. These maids are at the mercy of the Embassy for a mercy ticket back home. A large part of the marketing agenda is to ensure that the flow of foreign currency into the country sustains and even grows.
Initially I felt queasy reading this article.
Any of us sitting at an interview are often sure to ask and even demand on what our growth prospects are. How many steps till I become CEO? Except for maids. They remain maids till their bodies are truly broken. There isn't much of a market for them to grow to an administration position. Ever seen a woman peon? I've mostly found male peons instructing maids on how to clean the floor - for personal kicks, mostly and NO personal know-how whatsoever.
My maid has an attitude. A friend actually calls her the 'don of all the locality maids' and I personally love that about her (though I wouldn't admit it to her). I am scared of her sister. She's a maid too who came in with my maid to help out when we'd just moved in. I asked them to clean the store room and unknown to me or them, the sister got a shock when she stepped on what appeared like 'discarded' telephone wire. I will never forget the way she looked at me - full of scorn and hate. She had accused me right there and then of what I, in her opinion, had inflicted on her. I remember thinking then, damn it Priya, why didn't you step on the damned wire yourself? I don't let her work for us. I have a feeling she might just kill us all one day and go to heaven laughing. "Housemaid butchers and cooks up three families! Police arrested her at her house, where she appeared to be playing with her two children"
To think that as we learn and grow, we will give back to those we associate with - and that south of our shores is a fellow country that has made house maid'ing' a business, worse than prostitution. To think of the million Lankan maids in Saudi homes, abused, beaten and raped - all in exchange for foreign currency that come home to buy a house, educate a son, pay for medical expenses of aging parents....
Sometimes I wonder what my maid thinks of before she falls asleep. What does she want to dream of? When she looks up at the sky, what does she feel about this world? Who does she have to give back to? Who does she have to get back at?